


Ha Sungwoon: Cloudy with a chance of rain

by aenimdwa



Series: The heartbreak series [2]
Category: HOTSHOT (Band), JBJ (Band), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, College AU, I don't know how this chapter turned out like this I'm so sorry, I just like suffering, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 23:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15828990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aenimdwa/pseuds/aenimdwa
Summary: Ha Sungwoon felt nothing. He tapped a finger over his phone screen and saw 3 missed calls and 7 messages from Noh Taehyun, and 13 missed calls and 24 messages from Kang Daniel. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he closed his eyes.





	Ha Sungwoon: Cloudy with a chance of rain

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with the second part to this mess. I know in the first part I said the other character was a JBJ member and you might be saying "wtf is Kang Daniel doing here" because that's how I felt when I found myself adding him to the story, too bkjbskjs. The thing here is he's not a main character, although he does have relevance in the story. I blame all the Nielwoon that's been going on during the World Tour, I just can't take a break; they're so cute TT. 
> 
> I'm sorry in advance for all of the angst there is in this and for leaving some things sorta hanging in the air without much explanation; that's the magic of it??

Nothing. To put it simply, he felt nothing. He tapped a finger over his phone screen to see the amount of unread messages and unanswered calls increasing hour by hour, read the names of the people trying to get in touch with him and felt nothing about it—no guilt, no sadness, not even annoyance—it was just nothing. He wanted to be left alone for another five days to be spent pitifully around his messy excuse of a dorm. He didn’t need anyone to be by his side and witness him falling apart into pieces that were hard to put back together; didn’t need anyone to be by his side pushing him to make small talk, smile and laugh when he felt like the tiniest thing would turn him into a sobbing mess.

Vulnerable. Among the few options available, that’s perhaps how he felt. Unlike the effort people put in trying to get in touch with him, the void he could notice inside him did make him “feel” something—vulnerability. Were anyone to see him like this, he didn’t know what could happen. Would they fill the void? Most certainly not. He had tried filling it being accompanied by other people before and it hadn’t worked. Instead, all of those other times something had tried to be taken from him—only to fail, because, as noted, he’s empty: has nothing for himself, let alone something to give to others. However, be it out of the little will he had had or out of his desperation to actually _feel_ something; anything, he had given in to whatever happened that made him forget about his emptiness for a while, without even thinking of the consequences.

He tapped a finger over his phone screen once again. 3 missed calls and 7 messages from Noh Taehyun, 13 missed calls and 24 messages from Kang Daniel.

Honestly, Sungwoon had brought this upon himself.

A deep sigh escaped his lips as he closed his eyes. Suddenly, images of Daniel’s hands on his bare waist and the look on his blushing face as he moaned his name attacked him and made his heart ache just like it did when he noticed this seven days ago.

_“Hyung, why… why does it feel so good?” Daniel asked breathily, face hidden in Sungwoon’s neck, as he let out another moan and his rhythm became erratic. “I-I don’t think I can…”_

_“Lie down,” Sungwoon whispered into his ear. The younger complied and as soon as his back came in contact with the sheets, Sungwoon rolled his hips to earn himself a loud moan from the blonde, who grabbed his waist tightly so as to follow his movements._

Daniel showered him in compliments about how amazing he was, how beautiful he was and how good he made him feel, yet there was no fluttering feeling in his chest. All he could feel was physical satisfaction and, afterwards, a tiny bit of guilt and regret. The sort of guilt you feel when you take something that isn’t yours and the regret that comes with it as you accidentally break it. Then, Sungwoon also felt scared. He didn’t want to break Daniel—hadn’t intended to take something that wasn’t his in the first place.

He had apparently dozed off overthinking on his bed when he was woken up by his doorbell ringing incessantly. It took no genius to guess who it could be—there were only two options and Sungwoon didn’t feel like facing any of them. But the ringing didn’t stop and was then replaced by insistent knocking on the door.

“Hyung, I know you’re in there,” he could hear Daniel from outside. “I’m not leaving until you open the door.”

Followed by a grunt, Sungwoon got up from his bed reluctantly and went to the bathroom to wash his face before opening the door. He didn’t even get to say hi before he was imprisoned in between Daniel’s big arms. He stood there almost as if he was petrified; he didn’t hug Daniel back.

“Thank God you’re fine, I was so worried,” Daniel said as he stepped back a bit to cup Sungwoon’s face in his hands. “You look terrible, what’s going on? Are you sick?” he asked, bringing one of his hands to Sungwoon’s forehead.

Sungwoon tried not to seem aggressive when he brushed off Daniel’s hands from his forehead and face, but failed.

“I’m alright. I just didn’t feel like talking to people,” he said in all honesty, although for some reason he couldn’t look Daniel in the eye. Probably because he didn’t want to notice any hints of hurt in his face.

“For five days? Do you know how worried I was? I thought something bad had happened to you, I even asked Taehyun-hyung about you and he had no idea,” Daniel rambled. “Couldn’t you at least have texted back?”

“Taehyun knows how I am,” was all that Sungwoon muttered.

“But I don’t,” Daniel frowned. “I even… I thought you were avoiding me.”

Sungwoon let out a sigh.

“Are you?” there was fear in Daniel’s voice.

“No, Daniel, I am not.” Sungwoon looked at him in the eye and his serious stare might’ve scared Daniel more than he already was. “I do this, sometimes. Disappearing. I need my space.” He tried to explain, so as to soothe the expression on Daniel’s face.

“You know that you can always trust me, you don’t have to go through whatever it is by yourself-” Daniel tried to approach him and put a hand on one of his cheeks affectionately, but Sungwoon backed off and grabbed his hand before he could touch him.

“I think you’re overstepping, Daniel.”

Sungwoon was not trying to be mean, but the words came out like that before he could think about what he was saying. When he saw the pained look on the younger’s face, something twisted inside him.

“Look, it’s not that I… I’m…” he sighed. “I don’t hate you, alright?” Sungwoon took Daniel’s hand and covered it with both his own hands. “That I disappear doesn’t mean anything. We’re still friends.”

“Friends? But I thought we…” Daniel looked sincerely confused, and as he blushed, he added, “you know, after the other day…”

“Do you want a cup of coffee?” Sungwoon suddenly offered. He was tired, he didn’t want to go through this right now, and if it was going to happen today, he was going to need some coffee. Daniel seemed taken aback, but he was quick to nod and follow the older to the kitchen.

Sungwoon took his place in front of the sink to silently wash the dishes that had been piling up there for days; there was nothing clean he could offer Daniel. He was silently minding his business, almost done, when he felt the younger’s arms around his waist, his chest against his back and his face resting on his shoulder. He couldn’t stop his physical reaction to the sudden proximity and only noticed the blood rushing to his cheeks.

Daniel let out a chuckle and pecked at Sungwoon’s cheek. “You’re so cute, hyung.”

There was this sense of security that invaded him. But it also felt fake and fabricated; Sungwoon knew the feeling wasn’t real. Daniel was sincere and pure, and he needed someone who could love him wholeheartedly like he was willing to—Sungwoon was not that someone. Sungwoon couldn’t even love himself.

 The older one took his gloves off and managed to turn around in Daniel’s embrace. He tried to choose his words more carefully this time.

“Daniel, I can’t be more than your friend. You need someone better than me,” Sungwoon said very honestly.

“What are you even saying? There’s no one better than you for me, hyung. Don’t be silly. You’re great.” He replied, snuggling his face in between Sungwoon’s neck and shoulder.

“I’m not.” Sungwoon felt a peck on his neck that made him shiver. “Daniel, please listen to me…”

“You _are_ great, hyung. You’re smart, caring and kind, even if you didn’t answer my calls for five days.” A bite on his earlobe. “You’re amazing.” Another peck on his cheek, near his lips.

Sungwoon knew everything he was hearing were lies and Daniel’s hormone speaking. Whoever Daniel was talking about was not him and he had no idea where Daniel had gotten all that from. He hadn’t cared about Daniel’s missed calls or texts, and he was now selfishly giving in to this situation. Actions bring consequences, he should know that by now, but he wasn’t smart like Daniel thought he was. He wasn’t anything Daniel was idealizing him as. It was a fake, inexistent version of him.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” He could finally mutter. “I don’t wanna hurt you.” He said, looking into Daniel’s eyes.

“We don’t have to put a name to this if you don’t want to, hyung. I’m not gonna push you. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

Sungwoon lowered his gaze. Deep inside, perhaps he hoped that despite this fake, ideal version of him that Daniel had in his head, he would discover the true nature of Sungwoon and still love him for who he was. Perhaps he hoped that he would not reject him once he found out how big a wreck Sungwoon was. Perhaps he wanted to feel genuinely loved for once, even if he was not sure he was capable of loving back.

“I can’t give you what you want,” Sungwoon used his last argument, in hopes this would make Daniel stop and think twice about what he was trying to get himself into.

“You’re the only thing that I want.”

Maybe Sungwoon hadn’t phrased that correctly. He couldn’t give Daniel what he _needed_ , but he was so stupid, unkind and uncaring that he couldn’t push him away even when he felt his lips on his, expressing this _neediness_ for something that Sungwoon felt, in the pit of his stomach, he could never supply. Even if he felt like crying, he wanted to deceive himself for a little longer and think that he could maybe love Daniel back someday.

But Daniel didn’t deserve to be fed with crumbs. So when he separated himself from Sungwoon to caress his cheek affectively and leave a quick peck on his forehead as he said, “I really like you,” the older one felt his stomach twisting again and suddenly it became hard to breathe.

“Are you alright?” Daniel stepped back a bit to give the redhead some space and check on him since he noticed something strange was going on.

“I’m sorry, Daniel,” Sungwoon muttered out of the blue, doing his best to control his breathing. The older one tried to get closer again, looking confused and concerned, but Sungwoon stopped him—one hand on his chest grabbing his own t-shirt and the other one on Daniel’s to keep him from getting closer. Sungwoon averted his eyes as he said, “I kissed Taehyun.”

After a few seconds in which everything was quiet and Daniel looked as if he was waiting for Sungwoon to tell him it was a joke; he frowned. “Do you like Taehyun? Is that why you’re being like this?”

“No, that’s not it.” Sungwoon retreated his hand from Daniel’s chest. As he felt he started trembling, he knew the talk couldn’t last much longer.

“What is it, then? What do you feel for him?” Daniel was starting to sound pissed off.

Sungwoon felt a lump in his throat as he met Daniel’s eyes and watched them grow wide in disbelief as he said, “the same that I feel for you. Nothing.”

They stayed there just looking at each other for a few seconds before the younger could open his mouth:

“Are you… are you mocking me? Seriously, what’s all this about? You toying with me?” Daniel ran an exasperated hand over his hair.

“I’m really sorry, Daniel, I never thought things between us would come to this. I should’ve put a stop to it sooner…”

“You’re not that kind of an asshole.” Daniel clenched his fists. “Even though I don’t know why you’re being like this; I know that you’re-”

“Stop pretending that you know me, Daniel, you don’t!” Sungwoon hadn’t meant to yell at the younger boy, but lost his temper as he spoke. “I’m not any of those things you think I am. I’m not smart, caring or kind. I’m not even lovable.”

“You’re shaking,” Daniel noted ignoring Sungwoon completely; his expression momentarily changing from pissed off to genuinely concerned.

Sungwoon tried to supress the trembling of his hands and tried to breathe as normally as he could while he swallowed the lump in his throat and gestured towards the door, “I’m tired. Please leave.”

“But I’m not done talking to you,” Daniel whined. “Are you sure you’re alright? You don’t look-”

“Don’t make me kick you out.”

Perhaps the coldness in Sungwoon’s stare was what made Daniel give up. The younger boy pursed his lips and looked hesitantly at Sungwoon one last time before turning back and slamming the apartment door shut as he left.

Sungwoon let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding in and had to find support on the kitchen counter not to collapse. He’d have to find his pills to get some sleep that night—where did he put them?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how the next chapter is going to turn out nor when I'll be updating, but if you have comments on this story please let me know~ It might be suggestions on my writing or maybe things you'd like as a reader? I don't know. I'm very open to everything, haha.


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